I have came to the conclusion that 2010 will be a year of lasts for me and 2011 will be a year of firsts.
This is the last year I will eat Halloween candy.
This is the last year I will be so out of shape that it is painful walking around the neighborhood for trick-or-treat.
Next year will be the first year in many years that I will be able to shop in the regular women's section.
Next year I will be able to roller skate, bike ride, and other activities without tiring out in the first few minutes.
Next year I will be able to ride on a roller coaster without having to worry about if I will fit in the seat/seatbelt.
Next year I will not be embarrassed to dress up for Halloween!
I keep thinking of lasts. I went to a Chinese buffet and thought, "this is probably the last time I will eat here". I did good too. Only filled my plate once, but I did go back and get desert. Soon there will be no more deserts for me. Well, there will be deserts, but they will come in the form of a protein shake, vitamins and minerals. lol. I am okay with it though. Sometimes I want to try coffee. I have never drank it, and wonder if I should just once, but I have went this long, no need to start now. Same with dark soda (i.e. Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper) I gave it up on Labor Day 1999 and have only drank Mt Dew (gave it up later on) and now occasionally Sprite. Once I have the surgery I won't be able to drink sodas and I am good with that, but sometimes I want to try just one more Coke.
My Sister asked me if I could give up my love affair/addiction with food. I told her I didn't have one, but as I have been looking back and really evaluating myself I realize I do. Certain foods give me happy memories, certain foods I turn to when stressed. I am addicted to chocolate. While most days I barely eat (I just plain forget to lunch most days), other days I eat way too much, or I eat way too much for dinner after forgetting the eat the rest of the day. Those are things I will have to overcome. My new stomach won't give me a choice. I would never have dreamed 13 years ago that I could give up Coke/Pepsi, and I did it without regret. I know I will be able to overcome my chocolate addiction. I know that I will learn to associate other things to happy memories that don't include food. One thing I am sad about it at least for the first several months I will have to give up tomatoes and cucumbers. I LOVE those. Not sure if I can have them long term or not, will depend on my stomach sensitivity.
I FINALLY got my date for my appointment with the Nurse Practitioner. I go 8 Dec. YEAH! I wanted to do a happy dance when they called me and told me. I was told they were out of appointments for the near future and worried it would be Jan before I go in. Once I see the NP it could be just 14 days till my surgery, however with the Christmas holiday it will probably be Jan. That's okay. I will still enjoy my holidays knowing that my surgery will be happening soon.
I went to support group last week. I really enjoyed it. There were some people there that had gastric bypass a year or more ago and then there were some that are pre-op. There was also a lady who has had lap-band. It was interesting hearing their stories and experiences. One man was several hundred pounds and had already lost 300 PRE surgery. He doesn't have a surgery date yet. We all discussed what our motivation to lose weight is. Mine is four things:
1. For myself: I deserve better than what I have allowed myself to become.
2. For my husband and my kids: I want to be able to keep up with them and live to see my grandchildren and hopefully even my great grandchildren
3. Because of my Mom, my Aunt and my Grandfather. My Mom and Aunt were still young when they had their first stroke. Neither were really overweight, but had high cholesterol and high blood pressure. My Grandfather had a massive heart attack in his early 50's and died from it. I don't want to have a stroke or a heart attack, but with the way things are going, I am following in their footsteps with the additional risk factor of being obese added on.
4. For my Dad. My Dad has buried 2 daughters when they were babies and 1 adult son at age 38. I don't want my Dad to bury me too.